| Kick the Balls: An Offensive Suburban Odyssey | 
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Avg. Customer Rating:   (based on 12 reviews)
Sales Rank: 664432
Category: Book
Author: Alan Black
Publisher: Hudson Street Press
Studio: Hudson Street Press
Manufacturer: Hudson Street Press
Label: Hudson Street Press
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 8.2 x 5.6 x 1.3
ISBN: 159463047X
Dewey Decimal Number: 796.334
EAN: 9781594630477
ASIN: 159463047X
Publication Date: June 12, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Fever Pitch meets Trainspotting in this laugh-outloud, caustic account of one man?s attempt to coach a peewee soccer team
When Alan Black was a child growing up in Glasgow, Scotland, soccer?or what he called fitba??was the be all and end all. His experience was not the little league, boys-of-summer stuff of modern America. For him, it was life and death. Now middleaged and living in California, Alan finds himself coaching a team of eight-year-olds in his beloved sport?and nothing is going right.
For a start, the kids are no good at soccer. Secondly, they?re pampered. Born and bred on the sport, Black?s hardscrabble Scottish upbringing consisted of playing tough and victory at all costs. Needless to say, his coaching methods are a far cry from the ?winning isn?t everything? mentality his little leaguers have been reared with; and players and parents alike are shocked as Black attempts to transform the losing team through drills and bombast. Alone at night, watching evangelicals on TV, Black finds himself searching for some truth in the culture he finds so bizarre. And it?s with the Tigers that he feels most out of sync?faced with a mix of soft suburban children, a raft of overprotective parents, and an Iranian co-coach called Ali. Told with Black?s uproarious Scottish sensibility, Kick the Balls follows the abrasive, irreverent, and hilarious coach as he contends with a team that winds up with a zero-win record.
Both a celebration of his own tough childhood and an account of one man?s navigation of an alien culture, Kick the Balls will delight fans of well-told, laugh-out-loud memoirs.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 7 more reviews...
 Pleasant but at times "offensive" indeed October 15, 2008
Scottish-born (but now US naturalized citizen) author Alan Black grew up on soccer in his early life before moving to the US (pretty much similar as myself), and decided to take up coaching the soccer team of his young son in Northern California. This book brings the humorous account of his experiences with that.
"Kicking the Balls" (268 pages) is intended to be, and at regular times is, a humorous account of what it's like to coach an inept young soccer team, reminding me in spirit of "the Bad News Bears" baseball movie of yesteryear. The team's head coach is a guy originally from Iran, bringing some funny interludes and memories of the 1978 World Cup Iran-Scotland match, which ended in a shameful draw for the Scots. Later, the Iranian guy coach of the young soccer team leaves and it puts Black in charge of the team, but alas, no improvement for the team as it loses game after game. Eventually, the main goal to be achieved is to score just once.
The book is a quick read, but be forewarned, there is a lot of cussing and swearing throughout the pages, and it frankly is a turn-off at times. But as the author makes clear, that is what Scots just do. Whatever. I'd recommend this book if you have a few hours to fill on a long plane ride (which is how I read this), nothing more.
A one note tune October 14, 2008
This book starts out with great promise. There are points in it that literally had me laugh out loud. There are great annecdotes from Mr. Black's life growing up in Scotland. And he possesses a cynical, sarcastic sense of humor much like my own that I really clicked with.
For awhile it is actually quite a page-turner of a book, and very humorous. The problem with the book is on several fronts though. First off, there is absolutely no real look into the lives or views of anyone other than Mr. Black. Many of the kids are completely nameless throughout the book, and we know nothing of them at all.
But more than that lack of connection to the other characters is just that by the end of the book, everything is worn out and old and not so funny anymore. The jokes are essentially the same over and over. The results the same - off he goes to his 3 am appointment with Ben & Jerry's to mock the televangelists. The jokes get old and by the time they are repackaged for the 23rd time it loses some of it's humor.
Top that off with the largely dissapointing finish to the book - both the team's season, and Mr. Blacks conclusions and actions - and there just isn't much that can be said.
And finally I will say this ... I can laugh at myself and others. And I know that many parents are crazy about youth sports. But as someone who has coached youth sports for 14 years myself, I can say that if Mr. Black's actions were even a quarter of what he wrote, then he is a disgrace of a father and a person for the way he treated the kids and acted during the season.
In fact as I type that last paragraph I am wondering if I should not lower the rating more - but the humor prevents it, as it was good, at least early on, and the insights into his life growing up were really wonderful. Is the book worth a buy? Probably. But I'm glad that I merely borrowed it from the library, and I will not be adding it to my own personal library.
 Bleeding Brilliant September 15, 2008
An hilarious look at the hard-boiled world of Scottish youth football of twenty+ years ago, contrasted with today's enabled and pampered state of American youth soccer.
 Drool all over self humor September 3, 2008
and a takedown of all that is suburban flatlining. Late night laughs that kept my girl up and she ended up protesting everytime I picked it up.
I passed a copy off to a Scottish bartender, here in LA, so that she would be able to use the comeback to, "Glasgow" "oh.what part of England is that..." "the scottish part"
Great job Senor Black...E.E.
great memoir August 21, 2008
Alan Black is a force of nature. A Scottish force of nature to be exact. This is a hysterical, thought-provoking, funny, tragic memoir about the world's biggest and most popular religion. soccer. Or football as it's known in the civilized world. But it's also a story of a man coming to grips with his past, with his present and his future. It doesn't matter if you are one of the unwashed American masses who doesn't understand or appreciate the beautiful game. If you've ever been a kid, you should read this book. this is Black comedy at its best.
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